The Big Question

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Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Eighty-seventh Question

I really need help with something....

Think of a situation in your life when someone did something wrong to you. Suppose that person is writing you an apology letter for what they did. What more than, "I'm sorry" would you want to hear from that person? Would you want to hear how the situation has affected their life, or would you want the focus kept on you? What is the best way to say "I'm sorry" without it sounding lame and inadequate?

posted by Sublime @ 12:39 PM  

12 Comments:

  • At 1:59 PM, Blogger Margaret said…

    hmm...hard one for me...

    i think that i would not want a letter at all...and i have learned to not believe the words...its the actions that i believe...so maybe seeing the change in behavior since they have learned from their mistake... *sigh* not what you were looking for...but its what i got...

    peace...

     

  • At 2:13 PM, Blogger Sublime said…

    Thanks Monkey, but just to clarify, this would be a letter to someone who wouldn't be around to "see actions, rather than words". This is a person that I'll probably never see again and have only had very limited contact with.

    -Sublime

     

  • At 4:47 PM, Blogger Gigi said…

    I think a plain and simple I am sorry....that I was struck w/remembering how I had hurt you and I am sorry.

     

  • At 5:15 PM, Blogger Stacy said…

    I've gotten that kind of apology recently, and I'd have to say I could have done without it. It probably depends on what you did to hurt them. And if you're truly sorry because you hurt them. If you say you're sorry, and then go on to say how it affected you, it sounds like you're just sorry because it affected you in a way that you didn't like. Know what I mean?

     

  • At 6:30 PM, Blogger danielle said…

    i recently had somebody write an "im sorry" letter to me...and it sucked. it was (in short hand): "im sorry...let's move on and go back to how things were." that's crap.

    to me, it's important that the person who wronged you understand how they made you feel. i guess it's the empathy thing - understanding what you did to somebody helps that somebody feel that you care. if you don't understand what you did wrong and how it affected the other person (not you) then i'm not sure you can truly be sorry...

    ...just my thoughts.

     

  • At 7:56 PM, Blogger babyjewels said…

    There are a few I wouldn't mind hearing this from: "Looking back on how horrible I treated you, I'm ashamed of myself. I was petty, vendictive and mean and you didn't deserve it. I've since been on the receiving end of this treatment and I realize what an asshole I was."

    I guess I'd appreciate that.

     

  • At 9:29 PM, Blogger Sariah said…

    I think I want to hear why he (in my own situation) is sorry. Is he sorry because he hurt me? Does he really know how much it hurt? Does he realize how hurt I still am, years and years after the fact? I don't really want to hear, "yeah, I was a jerk, so sorry about that" because I already know that. I want to hear a sincere apology that is about me, not him.

     

  • At 11:41 PM, Blogger Elizabeth Taylor said…

    Just be honest in your apology. You can't really do anything else other than that.

     

  • At 3:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I think I'd want to know that you understood exactly what it was that had hurt me and why. And I'd want an explanation of why you did it!

     

  • At 8:56 AM, Blogger I n g e r said…

    I'd want the person to really get my feelings: to affirm them, to admit he/she was wrong. Sorry's just the last sentence.

     

  • At 9:15 PM, Blogger AKH said…

    If the sorry is coming too late, than I would rather not get it at all. If they really pissed me off, I'm probably over it already and getting an apology letter is just going to remind me of how pissed I was to begin with. But that's just me.

     

  • At 12:35 PM, Blogger Ritmeyer said…

    Biggest thing is to say what you were WRONG for. I hate the words I'm sorry. That's a self description. For someone to say they were wrong is something that strikes me more than I'm sorry. I believe in never saying I was wrong for anything that I am not willing to change because then I will have to apolygise again and that bullshit to do to someone, so I believe that actions speak louder than words.

    Since you said you can't do that, be honest about why you were wrong and how you won't do that anymore.

    Good luck, that shit is hard.

     

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